I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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