i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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