she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
