I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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