I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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