I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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