Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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