Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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