I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
