He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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