never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
