He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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