I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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