My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
