I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
