hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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