i would punch a child for taco bell
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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