she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
