Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
