hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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