Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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