i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
