I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
