U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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