This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
