Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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