Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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