New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
