You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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