Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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