i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
