I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
