Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
