This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
