The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
