Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize