dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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