she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
