Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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