I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize