He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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