WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
