I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
