i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
