so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
