Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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