your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
