i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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