never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
