Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize